What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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