Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
