I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
