Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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