I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
