for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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