their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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