I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
