i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
