I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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