I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
