Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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