My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
