What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
