i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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