Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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