all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
