I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
