so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
