The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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