I accidentally burped into my bong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
