When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
