I skipped work to stalk him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
