She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
