I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
