I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
