Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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