oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
