Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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