well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
