i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
