We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
