My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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