they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
