I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
