please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
