hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
