You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think your dad took our porno
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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