I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
