I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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