Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
