So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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