Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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