i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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