Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
