just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sober January is a disaster.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
