Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Iโm home. Please donโt call me unless you have an arterial bleed or youโre on fire. Love you ๐
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
