Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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