watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
