If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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