Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
