I'm drive I can fine osifer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
